Most will try to shut down their inner critic, I say learn how to work with it.
How do you gain control over your inner voice?
If you have ever had intrusive thoughts the first thing you want to do is to silence your inner voice. It can be overwhelming to constantly hear this little voice dictate negative thoughts.
I challenge you to re-frame your inner critic. In this post, I break down a few ways to do so with a couple simple exercises and awareness tricks. Remember that our brains have been evolutionarily hard wired to keep us safe for millions of years. Over the course of time we have developed a component in the nervous system called a checker. This checker checks for danger and has three parts to it: Scan, Alert, and Motivate. You now have the SAM process.
Every person has a checker and some people use their checkers more often than others based on their temperaments and tendencies. The checker has the the capacity to develop an inner voice that says to you, “Hey, you’re doing this wrong. This isn’t really the way it should be.” This is in part because of the millions of years of history saying ,” You’ve got to do this right. You’d better do it this way. This is serious.”
Someone once referred to their checker as OCD - Overactive Checker Deployment, I thought that was such a great name for it.
Often times people who come in with OCD, which is this huge inner dictator that’s more than a critic. It’s like being controlled by a prison warden that makes you do something and if you don’t do it, then it’s going to drive you mad and even make you go crazy.
Now since it’s not going anywhere I challenge you to work with it.
This 4 step process has been shown to help.
The first step is to become aware that you have a voice that’s acting like an inner critic. Just becoming aware of it and know that everyone has one.
Give it space to express itself. Often what happens before you have had a chance acknowledge it, there’s a war going on inside our head and all we want to do is silence it.
The inner critic is connected to the SAM process. After millions of years, we simply can’t just ignore it.
So, first you recognize the inner voice , then you recognize that it may actually be driven in part by the SAM checker process.
The next step is to engage this now differentiated inner critic. Meaning, you allow it to have its own space and dialogues. Start a conversation with it. Such as asking it,”tell me what you have in mind.”
At this point, instead of getting angry, you thank this part, and you say ” Thank you for being so protective - not only for me, but all of my ancestors. You’ve kept us all alive with your wisdom, skill and persistence. Thank you, Thank you so much”
This is the turning point with your inner critic, once you understand the importance of what your critic is trying to do, you can start to relate to it differently.
Redefining your inner critics role in your life, not silencing or getting rid of it but rather acknowledging it and thanking it,”You have so many skills to offer. You have so much wisdom to offer. Let’s collaborate and work this out and see what role you can have.”
Keep in mind that the shift doesn’t happen overnight but every time you are creating a small shift in the dynamic of your relationship with your inner critic.
Your ‘easy to talk to’ therapist,
Kimberly Castle R.T.C
Kimberly Castle is a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor with a private practice in beautiful Kelowna, BC. She focuses on empowering individuals in all areas of their life. In her practice she works with individuals who have experienced trauma related symptoms, anxiety and depression. She also offers couples counselling and enjoys working with couples to expand their relationships.
