Are you playing as a team in your relationships?
Are You A Team?
Learning how to work as a team in your relationship.
As my husband and I sat in our counsellors office, I was reminded of something very crucial to our relationship. (YES we go to couples counselling and NO we are not on the brink of separating or divorcing)
As we enacted an argument we had had over the previous weekend, our counsellor said something that really struck a chord with me.
He said, as a couple you are a team. You are both on the same team and working together and having each others back is essential to good team work.
Now most of us would think that this would be obvious.
But a lot of couples settle for a business, the focus of their arrangement is to raise the kids, then get divorced or fall into apathy.
Not many evolve into being a team which requires work, sacrifice and respect for the differences.
No matter how hard you try, your relationship will naturally evolve over time, whether it's in an ineffective or effective manner.
Evolving together means that the two of you, together, solve the puzzle of your strengths and weaknesses and discover how they can work together.
Stop and ask yourself if you've ever undermined your partner in front of the kids or to your friends? (I have been guilty of this with our children). This is a very common occurrence. A pattern of complaining easily to others is evidence that you are not a team.
Have you ever put your partner through a silence test? Silence tests are easily failed because there is no communication to help the other person understand.
Instead of being annoyed by the differences, first you have to learn; how to be aware of the strengths of the differences not just the weaknesses. Secondly, and in my opinion the most important, part is to accept the downside as part of the whole package.
Each and every one of us has strengths and weaknesses. My suggestion to you is to take an inventory and write down all your strengths and all the downsides to those noted strengths. Balancing them out can help you see how to work together as a team.
Expectations of what partners should be doing can so easily destroy any efforts at team building.
All pairs, even the most compatible are two individuals who are wired differently.
Being a team requires acceptance and respect of values differences in your relationship.
Being in a relationship requires constant re-evaluation and communication.
Your ‘easy to talk to’ therapist,
Kimberly Castle R.T.C
Kimberly Castle is a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor with a private practice in beautiful Kelowna, BC. She focuses on empowering individuals in all areas of their life. In her practice she works with individuals who have experienced trauma related symptoms, anxiety and depression. She also offers couples counselling and enjoys working with couples to expand their relationships.
