The Importance of Self Compassion

Have you ever failed at something important to you? How did you feel about yourself after? Most individuals will direct the blame inward and be hard on themselves. This act negatively impacts our self-esteem and can make us feel inadequate. As humans, we often blame someone or something for the problems that occur in our lives. An alternate strategy to blaming ourselves is to take these feelings of frustration and overcome them through the technique of self-compassion. 

We practice self-compassion by being kind and understanding to ourselves when we make mistakes or are just generally struggling. A way to practice self-compassion is to have true empathy for oneself. Often we are good at expressing empathy for close friends and family, so in the same way we show them compassion and love, showing it to yourself can greatly improve your self-worth. Another approach to utilizing self-compassion is to give ourselves positive affirmations. You can look at yourself and say phrases like, “I accept the best and worst aspects of who I am,” “I grow from my mistakes,” and “I deserve self-compassion.”

Using affirmations is a great strategy to employ if you want to be more compassionate towards yourself. A very important piece of self-compassion is put perfectly by Dr. Kristin Neff who is the founder of the practice. She says, “Self-compassion is a practice of goodwill, not good feelings… With self-compassion we mindfully accept that the moment is painful, and embrace ourselves with kindness and care in response, remembering that imperfection is part of the shared human experience” (Neff, 2019). Feelings of disappointment and pain are likely inevitable during life. Self-compassion does not attempt to change these feelings, but instead is a technique that takes them, acknowledges that they are there, and supports you through them.

Self-compassion is a very important technique and has many benefits that can impact our everyday lives. Self-compassion can lead to increased productivity, as it teaches us to handle rejection properly by realizing that rejection does not mean defeat, but instead is an opportunity to grow and flourish. Self-compassion can also help prevent stress, by teaching us to avoid self-criticism which can activate our sympathetic nervous system and elevate stress hormones. Everyone should practice self-compassion. After all, we all deserve to be free from harsh criticism and often, we are our own biggest critic. Using this technique can transform people into kinder, more confident people who are compassionate to not only those around them but also to themselves.

Your “easy to talk to therapist”

Kimberly Castle RTC,CAMC

Kimberly Castle is a Registered Counsellor with a private practice in beautiful Kelowna, BC. She focuses on Kelowna Counselling Solutions to empower individuals in all areas of their life. In her practice she works with individuals on a variety of topics including trauma, self-esteem, child, family and couples counselling.

Blog contribution by Olson Russello undergraduate student at University of Washington