Where else do you have avoidant behaviours in your life?

My favourite saying is what you resist, persists.

Procrastination, passive-aggressiveness and rumination: What do they have in common? They’re all things that are often done by me (or someone I know).” you will benefit from reading this post.

Avoidance coping, also known as avoidant coping, escape coping or avoidance behaviours are maladaptive form of coping that involves changing our behaviour to try to avoid thinking or feeling things that are uncomfortable. In other words, you avoid the stressors rather than dealing with them.

When you try to control, fix or escape, the more horrid you feel. 

It’s a vicious cycle.

I don’t like the emotional pain, then I try to control, fix or escape it and as I work really hard to control, fix or escape, it becomes even bigger to cope with.

Therefore we become masters at avoidance techniques. Sometimes these behaviours are learned at a very young age in a stressful or toxic home life.

Some common avoidance techniques are; procrastination, passive-aggressiveness, rumination, substance abuse, binge eating, shopping, excessive social media use. 

I often work with my clients to recognize their avoidance patterns. So where else in your life do you avoid? Which relationships are affected by your avoidant behaviours? Perhaps your children, your partner or even your work environment.

How do you know you are doing an avoidant behaviour? This is a vital step in stopping yourself and replacing your habits with more effective ones.

We then add stress relief techniques. Remember, one of the only passive coping strategies found to be helpful is the practice of stress relief techniques. If you learn to calm your body's stress response when you face stress and conflict, you'll be less reactive and more empowered to be proactive. It can also enhance your confidence and belief in your ability to handle the stressors you face. This all makes it easier to let go of your avoidance habits.

Practicing emotional coping techniques is also helpful to calm your physiology and feel less threatened. 

Learning to tolerate uncomfortable feelings.

See what thoughts and feelings arise, and see how long it takes for the feeling to pass. Observe your feelings, breathe through it, and become more acquainted with the idea of sitting with discomfort. This can help you to realize that nothing horrible comes from being uncomfortable in most cases. You can handle it. And then you can move on.

Identity active coping strategies. Are there strategies you can actively take that involve doing something differently to positively affect your situation?

Practice communication skills. Learning how to resolve a conflict can alleviate some emotional stress. Become comfortable discussing issues and coming up with “win-win” solutions when possible.

Taking small actions. Practicing non-avoidant behaviours. 

Find help. Speaking of extra support, you can always speak to a therapist about avoidance tendencies, particularly if it's affecting your life in negative ways or you feel unable to tackle the problem on your own to the extent that you'd like.

Your ‘easy to talk to’ therapist,

Kimberly Castle R.T.C

Kimberly Castle is a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor with a private practice in beautiful Kelowna, BC. She focuses on empowering individuals in all areas of their life. In her practice she works with individuals who have experienced trauma related symptoms, anxiety and depression. She also offers couples counselling and enjoys working with couples to expand their relationships.